What mask are you wearing?
Your initial answer would probably be “none.” Right? We all like to think we are being 100% ourselves. That nothing is holding us back. That we’re not hiding behind anything. But the longer I sat and thought about the question, I realized I do have a tendency to wear a mask.
Because the truth is, I’m not always one hundred comfortable with who I am. I know that isn’t revolutionary. Who is, Joey, you might be thinking. Fair enough. But I’m approaching the end of my twenties. And fifteen year old Joey would cringe if she knew how self conscious grown up Joey is sometimes.
It all came screaming into view as we started to meet people here. As much as I love people, meeting new people always makes me a little panicky. I’m…well. I’m me. And I know who I am, and I also know that some people might not like that.
So in the past, I had a tendency to hide behind a mask. I’d try to be quiet. I’d try to be cool. I’d nod my head along to conversations I knew nothing about. I’d panic when someone would ask me a question. It could be as simple as what kind of music do you like? And I’d wrack my brain, trying my best to come up with the least lame answer possible.
But you know what? I’m loud. I’m easily excitable. I like all of the music, especially the lame music. I’m chatty. Okay, no. I’m not chatty. I talk a lot. And most of what I have to say probably isn’t important. And some people might find that so super annoying. And that’s okay. But there are people on this planet who want to hear what I have to say. There are quiet people out there to whom I’m a ying to their yang.
I’m giddy and little things make me way too excited. Hand me a coupon for a free half gallon of ice cream? I might hug you. We meet in the hallway and find out we have a few things in common? I’m going to be eager to talk to you and learn more about who you are.
I’m moody, and I’m passionate. I won’t ever be the smartest person in the room. Sometimes I’m shallow and judgmental. I don’t always make the best choices. I have the mouth of a sailor on occasion. I ask a lot of questions. Even my questions have questions. I’m not always put together, and I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I know I’m a lot to handle sometimes. I can be a bit…much. I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. But I realized in the last few days, as I’ve gotten closer with some of the friends I’ve made over the last few weeks, that I left my mask back in Buies Creek. The girl these people have gotten to know is me. The real me. The loud and excited and sometimes dense Joey that had a tendency to hide in the shadows.
The thing is, I never knew I was wearing a mask. It wasn’t something I did consciously. My insecurities ruled all and took control. But I think the fact that I was so socially deprived the last few years, that girl hiding inside of me came screaming out.
As the days have gone by, one of our neighbors admitted that her initial impression of me was:
That girl is either super friendly or crazy.
Or both.
And you know what?
I’m both.
And I’m totally okay with that.
take off your mask.
whatever is holding you back.
there are always going to be people on this planet
that like your brand of crazy.
I love your crazy, gush. I'm so glad I got to know the real Joey & I'm so so glad that she's the one who's come out in her new home. I'm so proud of you for letting your real light shine through. Love you!
Love this! I'm generally pretty quiet and introverted, so I admire people who are talkative and outgoing like you! And I need someone like that who can help bring me out of my shell! Everyone, no matter what their personality, has something to bring to the table and it's awesome that you know that and are letting your personality shine! 🙂
I think pretty much everybody can relate to this! I can be guilty of tailoring my personality in order to fit in with a certain group of people, and I just hate when I catch myself doing that. Great post, girl!
xoxo
Kat
I try to be as "real" as possible, but I've never been more "me" with anyone like I am with my husband and family – no masks there! xo, Biana – BlovedBoston
I LOOOOOVE your crazy, friend! 🙂 And what you said it so right — there will be people (ahem, ME!) who like what you have to offer. I've been struggling with a group of girls who seem to consistently leave me out of get togethers, etc. where I feel like I'm the ONLY person who wasn't included. It has honestly been bothering me for years, and, like you, I'd subconsciously adjust my personality when I was around them. Lately, though, I reminded myself that I don't suck. Maybe they do? Ha. So thanks for the reminder that we should all strive to be our authentic selves. No one likes a faker.
I LOOOOOVE your crazy, friend! 🙂 And what you said it so right — there will be people (ahem, ME!) who like what you have to offer. I've been struggling with a group of girls who seem to consistently leave me out of get togethers, etc. where I feel like I'm the ONLY person who wasn't included. It has honestly been bothering me for years, and, like you, I'd subconsciously adjust my personality when I was around them. Lately, though, I reminded myself that I don't suck. Maybe they do? Ha. So thanks for the reminder that we should all strive to be our authentic selves. No one likes a faker.
It's hard to learn not to hide behind a mask, truly!
And you know what's great about just being ourselves? We CAN be two things at once… or even 4 or 6 or 12 things at once. The important part is that we are just ourselves. 🙂
I love this! It's so hard to be 100% authentic and I notice all my masks drastically change depending where I am. Love this post!
Awe, I love this!!! I try to be the real me but I come off quiet and shy at first with most people because it takes me a little while to warm up I suppose. I am a little bit of all those things you mentioned above, probably a little crazy included. Hopefully I get to meet the real Joey in person one day! 🙂
I've even seen how much you have come out of your shell or mask over the time of reading your blog! Love seeing the real you shine through!!! xoxoxo
I can tell, even through your writing and reading about the experiences you've had in the QC, that you've come out of your shell and taken off your mask. Good for you! It's not always an easy thing to do and I love the way you analyzed yourself in this post. Happy Monday, girl!
I'm so happy for you girly 🙂
Honestly, I try and be 'myself' most of the time, but I am rarely 100% me. And there is nothing wrong with that. I don't like to talk about things I love with people who don't love them, you know? A huge part of me is a bookworm, but my besties don't love books like I do. They are still my besties, and they would listen to me if I wanted to talk, but I like to reserve book talk for other bookworms. You know? But anyway.
I used to be pretty insecure. I still kind of am sometimes, but the number one thing that helps me not freak out, is that I do not like everyone. Simple as that. Therefore, not everyone can like me!
Not everyone can or will like you and that's okay. You can't please everyone so you might as well please yourself.
I'm always 100% myself all of the time. Life is too short not be your true self. I'm also at at the age where I don't care about what people think of me haha. I agree with what Amanda said too. Be proud of who you are because you're a beautiful person inside and out!! 🙂
i let it all hang out; i always have. i figure if people don't like it, then we're not meant to be friends and i'm ok with that.
This is very true. Moving around a lot gives me a chance to reinvent myself. However, it's hard to meet new people with them only seeing what you wear, not what your past is.
This might be too thought-provoking for me to handle at the moment 🙂
We are soul sisters. Sometimes your posts feel a bit like reading my diary (except with less doodly hearts and practice cursive). As I prepare for the move to a place where many people know 15 year old Kim I'm so ready to show what the 26 year old version of me has to offer- and ready to just be 100% and like you said some people will love that and others won't but that's ok too.
If things don't work out I'm moving into your building- it sounds like such fun!
You are such a good writer!! Love this 🙂
LOVE this! I think it's easy to hide behind a mask and not even realize you're doing so. Especially when it comes to meeting new people and just wanting to be liked. But good for you, I'm so happy with how life is going for you in Charlotte!
This is like a punch in the gut. I feel like working in a mostly female office, or in any office, I wear so many mask. Something I definitely need to work ok.