The holidays are always a good time to do a check in. I used to joke that I just wanted to put my Christmas tree up in the same house twice. Well, 22 days before Christmas last year, we found out we’d be leaving Buies Creek eventually.
But alas, my tree went up. So far, the only place it’s made an appearance in the same house twice.
Today, I went shopping with a friend. We battled the chaos of HomeGoods in search of gold everything. This friend has become a constant, a norm, a person of comfort. Today was not an extraordinary day. No. It was very, very ordinary actually. But as I was climbing the stairs up to my apartment from hers, I had an odd thought.
This time last year, I didn’t know her.
I opened the door to an apartment I had no idea I’d eventually live in to reveal my Christmas tree standing strong in the corner.
It’s the same tree, but it’s a different girl standing before it. My heart ached as I stripped it of its branches last year, stuffing them back into a Christmas body bag; a change looming. And while it slept, all the Christmas cheer tucked away in bins and boxes, life happened.
And all the while, it was safe, protected, and though in pieces, it remained in tact, unchanged.
Our world is different. We’re different. But some things stay the same; a comfort despite the chaos.
I’m not the girl I was this time last year. A friend delicately explained to me while I poured my heart out to her recently, I’m coming into myself. Thirty is around the corner. I’m not the girl I thought I’d be at this point in time, but I’m getting there.
As I let go of a friend earlier this year, I wrote in my paper journal that I didn’t want to carry that baggage into my thirties. The messy and uncertain can live in my twenties, that’s what they were for.
I never thought the last year of my twenties would be about letting go: of people, of definitions, of the pressure. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’m finding that a lot of who I am isn’t. Things I thought I knew, I don’t. Things I thought I wanted I don’t. We grow up, thoughts downloaded, programmed. This year, I’ve been stripping it all away little by little, piece by piece.
This world I’m in now, it’s different. I’m different. It’s the same tree, but many of the ornaments are still in the box. This place is small, there wasn’t enough room, it felt crowded. We didn’t need them, at least not this year.
But it’s the same tree. It’s just stripped down a little. Beautiful all the same. Constant and comfortable.
That's how I feel about our tree. It's a constant. Our neighbors in Alaska actually gave it to us because they didn't want to take it when they moved. This is the 4th house it's been in and even though it's old and a pain to put together, I don't think I could ever get rid of it.
They say you change once every seven years, personally, I think it is every 2-4 years, what was important last year seems like nothing now. Hang in there, this is how you discover you 🙂
I think all the change you've gone through this year is really great for you!! There are people that I've had in my life that it was tough to let go of, but it had to happen!! xo, Biana –BlovedBoston
Thank you for putting into words what I've been struggling to write for three weeks. Beautifully written.
I really needed this today, as there are people in my life who I eventually need to let go of. But I'm also thankful for those in my life who have brought a fresh new meaning of friendship <3
Green Fashionista
I definitely feel the same way about my twenties. It's wild, crazy, and things are changing all the time, but I'm glad for it. Even my aunt and uncle commented during thanksgiving how they never would have thought I'd become who I am now because I've changed so drastically.
As much as it sucks to have to let go of friends, I find that it just opens more doors for new friends who can grow with you and keep up with you.
I think the tree is a sign of reflection every year because new years is quickly behind Christmas where you can start off fresh. Its hard but keep on keeping on!
Oh how I need this, thank you dear friend!
beautiful post girl, everything you said is true. i'm glad you're coming into your own 🙂
It is crazy how much we can change in just one year, isn't it? I like your thought on not taking your baggage from your twenties to your thirties. Smart girl!
I know the feeling of letting people go and realizing you are nowhere close to the same person/place as you were last year. Sometimes it can be bittersweet!
This made me cry. Life is weird, you know? I love how you put this. Your words are wonderful.
This was a very comforting post to read. And a great way to view a Christmas tree – constant. A comfort.
You definitely learn more about who you want to be, and who really matters in your life. Life gets better in your 30's too. 🙂
So beautifully written, as usual. I had actually hoped we wouldn't be putting up our tree at this house this year… but here we are. And that's okay. As someone who recently turned 30, I feel comfortable telling you that letting go of baggage is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself!
I've noticed as I get older, minimalism is more my cup of tea. When my husband and I first got married almost 9 years ago, that first Christmas I had SO much stuff out and my tree was over flowing. Now, also close to 30, I enjoy more simple beauty in my Christmas decorations. It is so interesting to see how we have changed throughout our 20s 🙂
Love your writing. Always have. That's beside the point….I believe that you are exactly where you need to be. One or so friends less, a different environment, new friends, new traditions, and a lot to look forward to. If we didn't live on different coasts I'd come take you out for coffee to tell you how awesome you are and even though one year changed so much you are becoming the person you were destined to be! Make sense? I hope so. Xoxo