There’s a tattoo that I’ve been considering for a while. It’ll be small, and it’ll live on my right wrist. My husband, who is not a fan of tattoos, has pressed in hard with the questions. I have my reasons I’ve said over and over any time he’s asked. You’ll think it’s stupid I finally said to him when he pressed in yet again recently.
It doesn’t matter what I think he said, but I would like to know. The thing is, his opinion does matter to me–and that’s the point of this post. But first, I’ll share my reasons because I think this story is also relevant.
Choosing to do what I’ve been doing hasn’t been easy. At least it hasn’t been for me. Living a creative life out loud is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Putting myself and my work out there scares me so much it physically hurts sometimes. It’s important to me. But this work only matters, and what I’m doing only makes a difference if I put in my whole heart.
I’ve done this before, and my heart got wrecked. So naturally, I’ve been a bit gun shy lately. Reserved. Guarded. Trying, but holding back. And it’s sucked. My book was only relatable because I put my heart into it. These blog posts only land if I put my whole heart into them. My business can only help people if I put my whole heart into it. But putting your whole heart into something is scary. All of these things require me to choose to be brave.
I need to constantly remind myself to be brave. I need to always choose to put my whole heart into whatever I do. I want that reminder. Because this matters.
Inch by inch: boundaries for opinions
One of the
How to set boundaries for opinions
I’m a big fan of Brené Brown’s work. She’s an expert in shame and vulnerability and knows a thing or two about living a daring life. Before I started my first company, I caught her on an episode of Being Boss. And without being dramatic, the episode changed my perspective on a few things. I took it to heart and kept her advice in mind as I started on this journey over two years ago.
She shared then that she has a trick when it comes to managing her reaction to opinions. I thought it was clever back then, but I heard this advice again recently as I’ve been listening to Rising Strong. It’s funny to me how you can receive advice, but until you’ve experienced something that makes that advice more relevant to your life it doesn’t really stick.
Inch by inch
Brené’s trick is simple but difficult. She recommends that you take an inch by inch piece of paper and write down all of the names of the people whose opinions actually matter to you.
Those people who love you–not in spite of, but because of your vulnerabilities and imperfections.
She goes on to explain that if you need more paper, you need to edit.
It seems simple enough, but it’s in practice that you’ll find it’s tricky. But when opinions come flying your way, stinging and burning and causing you to second guess everything, you can return to that paper and remind yourself it’s not an opinion that matters.
Filter & Boundary Free: The risk you take
When there isn’t a boundary in place when it comes to opinions, you run the risk of giving someone who deserves none power over your life and choices. This boundary is important, especially when it comes to creative work. If I let it stop me everytime someone judged what I’m doing, I would have stopped a long, long time ago.
But I believe what I’m doing is important. And the people on my square inch of paper agree. And those opinions matter to me.
Take action!
Go ahead, cut out an inch by inch piece of paper and really get specific of who you believe should be on there. If you’re brave (which I know you are!) shoot me an email and tell me why you’ve included who you’ve included!
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