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I feel like life really kicked into high gear when I entered my thirties. Carrie Bradshaw really said it best in the S&TC movie when she said Enjoy yourself, that’s what your 20s are for. Your 30s are to learn the lessons. And your 40s are to pay for the drinks. I mean, I kicked off my thirties by quitting my day job and launching a company with my blogging bestie turned IRL bestie. That right there should have given me some clue as to how wild this decade would be.
One of my besties is in her early twenties, and I find us having conversations often that make me realize how experience really changes a person and impacts their perspective on life. My friend is wise well beyond her years, but even still I’ve found myself saying a few times you haven’t learned this yet, but…
When I first started this blog way back when, I used to have a series where I had other bloggers guest post featuring lessons they’d learned the hard way. I really loved that series because it helped me (and so many others) feel like we weren’t alone. So I thought I’d bring back some blogging nostalgia and share the lessons I’ve learned in my thirties.
It’s not a race. That timeline you had in your early 20s doesn’t matter.
By time I was set to graduate college, my then boyfriend and I had been together five years. When I tell you I was ready to be engaged, I. was. ready. So many of my friends had their sparkly new accessory and were trying on wedding dresses and I felt pressure and every single ounce of jealousy. I attended so many weddings where people asked so you’re next, right? And it nearly killed me. I had these big ideas of being married young and being a young mom and and and.
It all felt so big and important and like omg I might just die if this doesn’t happen when I think it should. We got engaged a year after we graduated, and we got married a year after that. And you know what? So many of those engagements I was jealous of either ended before I do or they’d filed for divorce before I even got engaged. We’ll celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary and our 21st dating anniversary this year. It’s not a race. Take your time. Know what’s right for you.
Parenthood is physical.
I spent the first week of this year in the hospital with debilitating back pain. Certain I’d end up in surgery, I was totally surprised when the spine specialist came in and told me 1) it was a severe strained muscle and 2) that this is a super common injury in moms. The doctor went on to tell me that what moms don’t know is that they need to be in fighting shape. Those were the words he used. Fighting. Shape. We have to be strong. And damn, if that’s not the truth.
Really do you research when making big financial purchases.
I feel like I probably learned this in my twenties but it was truly driven home as we cruised into our mid thirties. Buying our first house, having our first baby, both of us buying new (to us) cars — I feel like money was just flying out of our bank account left and right those first few years of our thirties.
It’s important that you educate yourself on the loan options available to you, price comparing (especially when it comes to used cars) and the value of a good interest rate. I really feel like more of this stuff should be taught in school. I’ve never had to use an algebreic equation with pie in my adult life — but don’t you worry, they definitely tried to drive it into my brain in high school. Understanding simple home loans or tax information? Pshh. Who needs to know that?
No one really knows what they’re doing.
I got a taste of this when I started my first company in 2016. I was plagued with insecurity and this fear that people would question my intelligence. I initially thought I should go back to school and get my MBA but a friend (thankfully) talked me out of it. You’ll learn on the job she told me. And she was right. As I immersed myself in the creative entrepreneur community in Charlotte (which, I might add, is filled with some of the smartest, coolest and kindest people on the planet), I learned quickly that no one really knows what they’re doing. They’re winging it until they figure it out.
This point was further driven home when I became a parent at 35. I’ve had so many conversations with my mom, my sisters, veteran mom friends, etc seeking advice only for them to tell what they did followed with a: but I had no idea what they were doing so take that for what it’s worth. Le’sigh.
The point here being: if there’s something you’ve been wanting to do but you’re waiting until you feel like you “know enough,” just do the damn thing. You’ll learn on the job. And no one actually knows what they’re doing.
The magic is sold separately.
Life was full of magical moments growing up. And as you enter into adulthood, you still experience some milestones that are designed with the magic built in: engagement, wedding, moving in with a partner, etc etc. But as you navigate further and further into reality, you quickly discover that life is full of regular schmegular days. And if you’re not careful to infuse some magic into those regular schmegular days, it can start to blur together and a depressing fog can settle over your life.
J and I had only been married for three years when we made the decision to stop traveling on the holidays. Before or after, sure. But the actual holiday, we stay put. We didn’t have kids yet, but we were so tired of spending all of the holidays in the car. That first Christmas, as the days crept closer to the actual holiday, it became glaringly obvious that we had to provide the magic ourselves otherwise the day would come and go, and it would feel no different than any other day.
We’ve since taken that lesson and sprinkled it throughout our regular lives. If we don’t make the effort to make something special, it can get lost in the mix of the day-to-day.
Trust me when I say there are loads more where these came from. If there’s one thing I do well, it’s flinging myself head first into painful life lessons. Let’s just say I do it for the plot.
Tell me below: what’s a lesson you’ve learned recently that you want others to know about?
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