If you’re clicking on this blog post, I’m going to assume that you feel less-than in some way. Maybe you look at other people and think they have something I don’t. They know something I don’t. I know this because that was me. I lived most of my life feeling like I was a waste of space.
It’s hard to admit that. Really hard. But it’s the truth.
I will tell you this: nothing about me has changed from when I lived with that belief to now except my perspective. I am not more valuable now. I’m not more skilled now. I’m not more anything now than I was then.
I tell you that so you can understand this with clarity: you. are. valuable. You have a purpose. You are unique simply by being who you are. There are qualities within you that others do not have. The person you are is a perfect blended cocktail of amazingness put on this planet on purpose. And by not being yourself, you’re not just hurting yourself, you’re doing a disservice to those in your hemisphere.
Because you matter. Just the way you are.
Don’t believe me? Okay, that’s fair. I wouldn’t have believed me at first either. So let’s take a look at some of the things I did (and you can do) to help you establish the foundation of confidence that’ll get you to a place where you do believe me.
How to be more confident
Do things that build trust within yourself
I had to honor the small commitments I made to myself to help establish and foster self-respect. Self-respect. You might be rolling your eyes right now. But listen to me: you have to respect yourself before you can establish confidence. The two are so closely linked it’s almost impossible to differentiate the two.
To establish self respect, you have to do things that you respect. I know, revolutionary. But it was to me. Making this simple revelation was imperative for me. Duh. I have to do things I respect to respect myself. I wasn’t going to get there by continuing to let myself down.
I have this (somewhat dark and twisted) theory on life: I won’t let myself down anymore. Other people do that with gleefor free.
I know, who knew. The happy girl has a dark side.
But it’s true, friend. There will always be people in this world who will let you down. Don’t be that person to yourself.
Do some self reflection and identify what qualities and core values you respect and then try them on for size.
I built trust within myself by keeping my promises to myself. If I set an alarm for a certain time in the morning, I got up when the alarm went off. If I said I was going to go for a run, I went for a run. If I said I wasn’t going to drink soda for a day, I didn’t drink soda for the day. It wasn’t easy. It’s not easy. It won’t ever be easy. But start small and work your way up. Honor the commitments you make to yourself.
You will respect the hell out of yourself for it.
Let yourself try
Once I knew what I wanted, I had to give myself the chance to try. This was when I really started to come into myself. This is also the first time I realized I was smart. I honestly lived my entire life assuming I was dumb. I loved school but wasn’t a great student — I had a lot of trouble in classes but also, I didn’t have any help. I didn’t grow up in the kind of house where help was available. (Any other latchkey kids here?) I didn’t even know I could get help. I thought you either got it or you didn’t.
And I didn’t. Oh, well that sucks. I pulled the short straw.
That’s ridiculous to me now. I look for help all the time now. Sure, I’m still not great at asking for it, but I look to research for help literally all the time now.
It’s amazing the type of courage you can muster up to try something when you know there are resources to support you. I don’t know much. But Google knows everything.
And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and Google who supplies all the answers I don’t know.
All jokes aside, the confidence comes from doing, friend. I wish there were another way, I do. Because I know how scary it is to try. I know how scary it is to attempt something that you will not be good at initially. Please try. And continue to try. You will find yourself in this experience. And dare I say it, you will actually start to like yourself.
There’s a quote I live by. Albert Einstein said it:
Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it’ll live its whole life believing it’s stupid.
You are not stupid. You are not less-than. You just need to find your pond. Keep searching, it’s out there.
Eliminate the noise
Give yourself a break from social media consumption for a hot minute. In 2017, I decided I was going to introduce a Social Media Free day every week. The very first time I did it, I liked it so much I decided to keep it going the next day. And the next. And the next. Before I knew it, I’d unintentionally taken an entire month off from social media. I owned an online business at the time. (I add this in because I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you could never. I thought the same thing. And guess what: you can. You really, really can. My business survived. Yours will, too).
I learned a lot from accidentally quitting social media for a month. But the biggest value from stepping away and eliminating the noise was the self-discovery. I had a chance to think real thoughts. I was able to determine my own opinions. It’s crazy, I know, but so much of what we think and believe is just a product of the sum of the thousands and thousands thoughts and opinions we consume daily.
Getting to know yourself, really getting to know yourself will help you tremendously to stand on a firm foundation. And a firm foundation, a solid understanding of who you are and what you believe in, will give you so much confidence it’s almost ridiculous that it could be that simple. (It’s simple but not easy.)
Edit & refine your circle.
You are who you spend time with. I used to hate that advice growing up. But sadly, friend. It’s true. If you’re hanging out with negative nellies all the time, well…that negativity will creep in and start to poison the well. If you’re spending time with people who don’t respect you? Well, they’ll provide the confirmation your limiting belief is looking for. If you’re around people who put you down, how will you ever pull yourself out from underneath their foot?
It’s annoying advice, I know. But you really have to take a look at who you’re spending time with — I mean this IRL and online. Pay attention to who you follow online. Maybe you follow someone whose content always makes you feel bad about yourself for one reason or another. Mute them. Unfollow them. Comparison is the thief of joy, sure. But it’s also the squasher of confidence.
When it comes to editing your IRL circle, a hard truth to swallow is that yes: this might look like cutting people out of your life or distancing yourself from certain people. This is not fun. And it’s not easy. And yes, it can be very lonely and isolating at first. But hear me when I tell you this: you are making room for the right people.
The universe abhors a vacuum. Remove and something else will replace it. Give it time. The right people will come into your life. And it’ll feel so. much. better.
There’s so much I could say on the subject. And I did here in this video, if you’re interested for the chattier side of things. But the bottomline, if you get nothing else from this post, is this: you are worth respecting.
I hope that this has offered you some sense of comfort and courage to start the journey to finding your confidence. Because friend, I want that for you. I really, really do.
Until next time! XOXO!
0 Comments