I have this mantra that if taken out of context could probably spark some controversy. It’s It’s only wrong because you’re making it wrong. Again, out of context, bad. Very bad. But here’s the context:
I like things just so. My life up until I was an adult felt so radically out of my control that once I realized I had some say in how I experienced my day-to-day, well…let’s just say I like my plans, schedules, itineraries and routines.
It’s not a secret that the last year has been…different. My life doesn’t look anything like the plans I laid out at the start of 2023. I was supposed to be working full-time for an awesome company. I was supposed to have my son home with me but have regular help. I was supposed to be keeping up with my fitness routine and maintaining healthy habits and living the best version of my life in a very sweet season.
Instead, I got laid off. We faced developmental issues with my son making childcare difficult. And I ended up hospitalized for 3 days after a pesky back issue became debilitating.
I’m having a hard time in this season. That’s just the truth. I am. I’m having to figure out things in real time that were never part of the plan. And some days I feel like I’m failing at all of it. I don’t actually know what I’m doing a lot of the time: with parenting, with actually pursuing this whole author thing, even with returning to the online space.
I had gotten to a place in my life just before this season where everything felt so good. We were comfortable. Comfortable. Now I’m anything but 90% of the time.
Something I know but tend to ignore is to be wary of comfort zones. They choke out growth. So I know as uncomfortable as I am right now, I’m also growing. I am very grateful for that.
And so, that mantra I mentioned earlier has been on repeat in the back of my mind for months. It’s only wrong because you’re making it wrong.
I had a plan. I had everything perfectly mapped out, and I was comfortable. But that plan, that vision, would only ever keep me exactly where I was. I would never have stretched to figure out how to keep my son home full-time while working, getting irreplaceable time with him. I would never have returned to writing, releasing another book and writing another. I’ve made this season of my life wrong because it goes against the plans I had. The plans that, when you really look at them, would have kept me stuck.
In reviewing old content, I came across this post I’d written in 2017. I mention in it that while these principles where revealed to me in the midst of a difficult return to my yoga practice, that they could be applied to pretty much anything.
And well, I can tell you, now 7 years later (how the hell is 2017 SEVEN YEARS AGO?) how right I actually was. I haven’t done yoga in years. But these four principles sure offer me the comfort and necessary guidance in the midst of this hard season.
The four principles you need to remember when you’re in a difficult season
Stay focused.
It’s easy to get distracted. It’s even easier for our minds to race, doing what I call “rushing to resolution.” As an anxious person, I want things settled right now. When distracted, we diffuse our productivity, getting no where fast. When we focus in, even on the tiniest change, we make forward progress so much faster. So while your mind might be racing, do your best to stay focused on one thing at a time, making small but powerful progress every step of the way.
Go at your own pace.
We weren’t ever supposed to be this connected. To friends. Family. Acquaintances. Strangers. Any of it. It’s so easy these days to look at what everyone else is doing, and how fast they’re doing it and let that cripple you into inaction. Years and years ago, I would occasionally watch a YouTube Indie Author’s videos. I was initially inspired by her content but very quickly that turned into whoa, Joey. Why aren’t you turning out books at that pace? I let that stop me from working on my WIP as the time. I was clearly doing something wrong.
I did eventually learn, a year or so later, that she was skipping a step in the publishing process that is non-negotiable for me. And I believe it’s that step that allows me to produce the kind of books that average a 4.5 star rating.
What someone else is or isn’t doing has nothing to do with you or your process. Do what feels right to you in a pace that feels sustainable.
Rest when you need to.
A lesson I’ve learned over and over again is that rest isn’t lazy, it’s necessary. And if you don’t make sure you’re giving yourself the necessary rest, your body will force it on you. And often times, that forced rest will sideline you longer than intentional rest ever would have. I’m only just now started to really honor the fact that rest is a integral part of a productive process. Take it from someone who has found themselves fetal in the middle of a true burnout induced breakdown that rest. is. necessary.
Push through the discomfort.
I’m not telling you to push yourself to a place that’s unhealthy. Remember, I’m all about sustainable success over here and that’s just not possible if you push yourself physically and mentally beyond the limits that keep you in a healthy place. But what I am telling you to do is to push through the discomfort that usually either scares you or stops you.
Any time you’re growing and learning, you’re stretching. And stretching is usually uncomfortable. But comfort, I’ve learned, keeps you stuck. And everything you want is just on the other side of that discomfort. You’re more capable than you realize.
This wasn’t ever the plan. No. But it was the dream. And sometimes when I’m being choked out by imposter syndrome I forget how much I wanted this in another life.
Now it’s here.
If you want a chattier version of this content, it’d mean a lot to me if you’d watch this video.
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