by Joey | May 6, 2020 | Real Life
In all honesty, I’ve had this podcast episode ready to go since Sunday. But I decided, after being inspired by Maria of RunningMyselfTogether, to go for a run that day. It was my first run in…well, a really long time. And it was the furthest I’d run in…well, even longer. (A full 5K in case anyone was wondering. No, not much to brag about but for me, especially right now, it is.) So I ended up crashing out hard on Sunday night and gave myself a whooooole lotta grace.
This episode is a little different. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some seriously conflicting feelings lately. At my core, I’m super grateful for any sense of normalcy, wherever I can find it. Sometimes that’s in my morning coffee. Other times it’s just in the bits and pieces of my job that make me feel sane. It’s also times like these that I’m thankful that even though I took a small, out of the house job back in February, I’ve otherwise spent the last 4+ years working remotely. So now that my out-of-the-house job is an in-the-house-job, there’s even some semblance of normalcy for me in that even.
I’ve also been really thankful lately for all that being an entrepreneur the last decade of my life has taught me. Primarily my ability to think on my feet and find fast, viable solutions. Every single day as an entrepreneur is a freaking adventure, to say the least. And though I relished the structure and normalcy that the college (where I now work) offers, the week leading up to the entire campus going remote felt like my super bowl. Like I’d been training my entire career to help make such an enormous pivot happen as seamlessly as possible. If you ever doubt for one second that God puts you right where you’re needed, let me tell you my story sometime. Because almost nothing has made sense in my life for the last 12+ months. But everything is slowly (and surely) falling into place. I’m starting to have those moments of clarity.
Anyway, none of that is what today’s episode is about. Like, at all. Except that I realized over the weekend that these tiny moments of gratitude can really act as a mood booster. And if you’re like me, your mood has probably been swinging like crazy. I’ve felt some pretty high highs and some serious lows in the last 6 weeks. And as they say, laughter is the best medicine. So Mandy and I wanted to give you something fun and lighthearted this week. It’s stupid and silly and well, it won’t take up much of your brains pace.
So if you’re looking for some simple companionship or a sweet belly laugh, go ahead and give today’s episode a little listen. We really hope it brightens your spirits. We may or may not make total fools of ourselves all in service of helping you laugh a little. You’re welcome. 🙃😂
EPISODE NOTES:
- While on air, I couldn’t remember what phrase I had wrong when I typed it out. So when I’m telling the story about Jonathan and I looking at houses in Colorado one summer (over AIM, I must add because I feel like that was an important piece of the story I left out), the phrase I realized I had wrong was Half-assed. I typed out (and up until that day said out loud) half-asked.
by Joey | Apr 27, 2020 | Real Life
There’s a meme that floats around every summer that makes me laugh out loud every time I see it. You see, down here in North Carolina, we basically roast every summer. It’s not unusual to have several days, if not weeks, where our temps hang out somewhere in the 105 range. Partner that with the suffocating humidity and well, it’s pretty much unbearable. And inevitably, the popular meme starts to circulate. You know the one; it says: check in on your fat friends in this heat, y’all. We are not okay.
It’s funny to me because the reality is, no one is okay in that heat. The relatability hits us all where it hurts; fat or not. And lately, that popular meme is seeing all kinds of variations, most notably the one that says to check in on your extroverted friends in this quarantine, y’all. We are not okay. I am not an extrovert. I know that probably comes as a surprise to anyone who has ever met me in real life because, well, I’m one chatty SOB. But the reality is, I need alone time to recharge. I need quiet and solitude.
So while the extroverts might be struggling in this time of self-isolation, I think it’s probably fair to say that everyone is struggling in some way or another. As an introvert sheltering-in-place in a pretty open floor planned house with two other adults and three animals (which you all know how needy and chatty and dramatic my two pets are), well…it’s not always a walk in the park for my mental health or creativity.
Check in on yourself, y’all. You might not be doing okay.
I tweeted a week or so ago that my friend Kseniya texted asking if I was doing okay. It was a simple question. A common variation of the standard “how are you” question. But for some reason, the combination of her wording with my understanding of the weight behind her question, it hit differently. It made me stop and do a quick audit to give an honest answer. And in that moment, in the grand scheme of life, and in painful comparison to the entirety of our 2019, my honest answer was yes.
But in reality, that answer can vary moment by moment, especially in the midst of the current uncertainty. Our daily lives look very different, y’all. We are not experiencing any sense of normalcy. Things feel heavy and scary, and there doesn’t really seem to be any kind of comforting end in sight for the foreseeable future. It’s okay to not be okay right now. It’s also okay to experience moments of peace and joy in the midst of the chaos.
But in order to truly take care of yourself, you need to check in on yourself.
The other day, I didn’t really feel well. Not in the corona-sickness kind of way. Just in the way that overall, I didn’t feel good. My head hurt, I felt tense and my body kind of hurt. Regardless, I powered through because the day was busy. Work had a lot going on, I had a drive up grocery order to pick up–food needed to get made and shit had to get done. You blink and the day is over, right?
Well, I had a little bit of time to just kind of chill out after my shower before going to bed. And it was while I was on the couch reading that I realized that my body was hurting because my anxiety was rearing its ugly head which causes me not to take full, deep breaths throughout the day. I realize it sounds insane to say that I can go entire days with high anxiety and not even really detect it. And it might be sad to say that well, I’m just that used to it. And this might not be news to you (though I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that it was pretty revolutionary to me about a year and a half ago) but your body, your nervous system depends on getting oh, I don’t know, like the proper amount of oxygen in order to function properly.
I know. I was pretty floored when I found that out, too. I used to see and hear the advice to just stop and take a deep breath all the time but never paid it any real attention because uhm, duh. Breathing. Got it. We’re good. Except y’all, sometimes we’re not good. It turns out I pretty much suck at breathing.
I learned this about myself when I started going to yoga regularly. I also learned the value of taking long, deep breaths in that time, too. I could literally feel the stress and tension melting from my body with every inhale…exhale…
So ask yourself: are you okay?
Run a little audit. How are you feeling? Both physically and mentally? Do your shoulders feel tight? How’s your head? Is your heart racing or are you having trouble taking a long, deep breath (in a normal way, not in a oh no is it corona kind of way)? Listen to yourself the same way you’d listen to a friend. You don’t really need me to tell you this–but maybe you do. Maybe you just need to be given the permission to pay yourself a little bit of attention. I forget sometimes. I give and give and give throughout the day that the last person to get my attention is myself. And I’m willing to bet it’s a lot the same for you.
So like I mentioned earlier, I just wasn’t feeling like myself a few days ago. I’m sure it was a normal blend of stress and exhaustion mixed with my introverted-heart not having a proper recharge. But regardless, I just wasn’t feelng my best. Now, it just so happened that my dog was gifted a bone from the neighbor that prompted that god awful licking sound (Please tell me I’m not the only person who finds that sound totally repulsive). So while I was there on the couch trying to read, the dog lick lick licking in the background, I was pushed over the edge.
In an attempt to drown it out, I grabbed my headphones and threw on an app called Coffitivity while I read. I’m one of those people that can’t have music or the TV on and focus. So something like Coffitivity, which just provides white noise like the hustle and bustle sounds of a coffee shop, is ideal for me when working. But what I didn’t expect was the second I plugged my headphones into my ears, the white noise drowning out the world around me, I started to relax. Really relax.
All of a sudden, it was just me and my book. It didn’t matter that I was sitting on the couch with my husband who was watching some shoot ’em up movie, or that the dog was licking her way to the center of a bone or that the cat was incessantly screaming for literally no reason. I was finally, mentally alone. It was something so simple and yet, it made such a difference. I’d finally found an escape, a way to be alone amidst the chaos.
What are some of the creative ways you help yourself feel better in the midst of everything?
A few friends shared with me what they’re doing to take care of themselves during this time. Listen in to the podcast to hear from them.
by Joey | Apr 20, 2020 | Real Life
I saw a tweet the other day from Anna Kendrick that said I guess I’ll never be able to lie to myself about all the shit I would do if I just had the time. And while the tweet itself made me laugh, I made it pretty clear in a previous blog post that you don’t have to use this time productively. It’s totally fine if all you can do is survive the days.
But there is a pretty interesting side effect to this whole thing. I’ve experienced it once before–just after I left my business in 2017. I did it on purpose, a mission of sorts. Where I introduced a whole hell of a lot of white space into my life. I allowed myself time to get bored. To think thoughts. To explore creative nudges.
You see, I’d lost myself in the busy-ness of things. With so much to do all the time, I lost the ability to determine if I was ever doing anything I wanted to do because I didn’t have a grasp on what I actually wanted in the first place. If you’ve listened to even just one of my podcast episodes, you know this already. This isn’t going to be new information. But it is information that we need to be reminded of regularly. Because life is cyclical. We are always always going to get back to busy, even if that’s hard to imagine right now.
While this whole thing is hard, there is something good that can come from this. Even if it’s something as small as getting reacquainted with yourself.
We turn self-discovery into work. And I know, I know. I’m 100% guilty of it myself. Because under normal circumstances, it does take work. It takes a conscious effort to choose and prioritize the discovery. The busy-ness doesn’t typically just stop and create a magical opening. Except, right now, for many of us, it kind of has.
Don’t get me wrong, I completely recognize that for many, this time of quarantine is packed full of chaos. If you have small children, you have my prayers. I’ve joked more than once that man, what a time to be childless. But on the real, I can hardly even imagine. And I know every day must be a struggle to think a single thought. So I don’t want what I’m about to say here to put any additional pressure on you–whether you’re an overloaded parent or not.
But this time of quarantine has done something many of us have been longing for–it’s induced a slow down. I can’t tell you how many times in the last several years I’ve lamented the loss of front porch sitting and neighborly chats. And yet just the other day, I sat on the front porch and spent hours chatting with passing neighbors. It’s the quarantine, my neighbor said. It’s brought back our desire to connect. Really connect, without a screen.
And my neighbor, he’s not wrong. But what I realized is that now we make that kind of connection a priority however we can manage it. And we have the time to get creative.
There’s only so much TV one person can watch. And as we crawl weeks deep into this thing, we’re probably wearing out our arsenal of entertainment. And that’s when we find ourselves bored. Do you know what a privilege it is to be bored? What a wonderful thing boredom is?
Boredom is the key that unlocks self-discovery
This is why so many of us struggle under normal circumstances. We are never bored. We never stop long enough to bother to get to know ourselves. Whatever discovery we’d accomplished before our lives entered warp speed would have to be enough. But I don’t know about you–I am not the same person I was back in 2009–which was probably the last time I was unintentionally bored. And creating the space to be bored under normal circumstances is really hard work.
But these days, maybe you’re starting to feel a little differently. Some space is freeing up. You’re finding that the TV is no longer holding your attention; and you’re fed up with the game you’ve been playing on your phone (looking at you, two dots). And in that space, you’re able to do something unique: you find out what bubbles to the top.
I find whenever I have a little extra free time, I feel inspired to write. To really write. I dive back into reading books. I crave a good long walk. These are the pieces of me that make up the person I truly am. But these are also the pieces that are the first to go when I’m busy.
And in the years that I have been coaching, I’ve discovered it’s a lot the same for many of you, too. Deep down, we know the truest desires of our hearts. But we ditch them with reckless abandon any time life picks up pace.
So, I’d like to encourage you to lean into what bubbles to the top during this time. Use this time, if you have it and if you have the desire, to pay attention to what’s craving your attention.
What we’re all experiencing is just wild. We are actively living what kids will study in history books in years to come. The last time I can remember feeling even remotely similarly to how I do now is in the weeks following 9/11. And strangely, outside of NYC, I feel like we rebooted life pretty quickly after that. Things looked different, sure. But for the most part our day-to-day lives went pretty much back to normal.
I don’t know what normal will look like moving forward. None of us do. But what I do know is that experiencing this has brought my priorities screaming into focus. And I hope the same can be said for you, too.
Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re safe. I hope you’re well. I hope those you love are taken care of and have a safe and healthy place to wait out the storm.
Until next time, friends.
by Joey | Apr 13, 2020 | Real Life
**I originally wrote this post to go live at the start of February. And then I just…forgot to post it. But considering how life has gone completely sideways since then and many of us are stuck indoors all day, I figured I might as well post it now.**
Raise your hand if you spend the majority of your day behind a desk? 🙋🏻♀️ I swear, back in the day (you know, when I was a young, sprightly girl), and I had the kind of jobs that would keep me on my feet all day, I longed to sit behind a desk for 8+ hours a day. Ah, naive little Joey. If only you really knew.
I’ve worn an activity tracker (why does that sound so creepy written out?) since 2014. I remember how excited I was the first day I wore a Fitbit. I’m always down for a bit of a challenge. And I really, really hate losing (or letting myself down), so you’d often find me moving and shaking, determined to unlock the vibrating wrist party that was the 10K celebration.
Over the years, I’ve transitioned from a standing up job to a sitting down job. And I’ve graduated from a Fitbit to an Apple Watch. I’ve also finally stepped out of my box and broadened my workouts horizons. (Think: more Yoga, HIIT & cycling, less straight up running.) And in the last year, my life took a pretty hard left turn which I apparently coped with by abandoning any and all of my standard healthy habits. Like, you know, getting out of bed for more than a couple of hours a day.
Needless to say, I was kind of shocked when I discovered just how very little I was moving on a daily basis. What made me look at the stats, you wonder? Well, your girl gained 17 lbs in an astonishingly short period of time. It’s not a big deal, no. But for someone who has always been fairly petite and active, I would be lying if I didn’t say I was totally surprised. That data inspired me to do a bit of an audit, figure out where things went awry.
It was when I scrolled back through my activity history on the watch that I found the culprit. I was barely moving beyond my workouts. It probably didn’t help much that I spent most of 2019 eating my feelings. But that’s besides the point. (It’s not, actually. And I have reeled things back in, in case you’re wondering.)
Anyway, upon this realization, I decided I wanted to challenge myself and reestablish one pretty significant healthy habit back into my life: I’d get back on the 10k steps a day train.
Uhm. When one isn’t running much (my knees hurt and the neighborhood we’re currently living in is riddled with massive hills #nothankyou #yesIknowtheseareexcuses), getting 10k steps, especially on an Apple Watch (which doesn’t count you waving your arms around as steps–#sideeyefitbit), is not such an easy task.
I set the goal for myself and then watched as I failed, day after day, confused how I could be falling short when I was making an effort. It was then that I did some digging on the differences between a Fitbit and an Apple Watch. I wore a Fitbit for a couple of years, hitting 10K daily, easily. I’ve worn an Apple Watch for 4 years and still find it hard on most days to hit that goal. The Apple Watch, guys, tracks stride where the Fitbit counts a multitude of movements as steps. There you have it.
So how can you increase your daily steps to 10K a day?
Move while brushing your teeth.
Dentists recommend that you brush your teeth for 2 minutes. I have an electric tooth brush that runs for exactly 2 minutes, buzzing every 30 seconds indicating that it’s time to move to another quadrant of my mouth. Most of us simply stand over the sink while we’re brushing. Maybe we stare into the mirror and question what we’re doing with our lives. (Just me? Okay. Moving on.) An easy way to sneak in some extra steps is to walk around your house while you’re brushing your teeth. I know, rocket science, right? But hey, it works.
Park farther away.
Another million dollar idea, right? But seriously, we all covet those front parking spots. I consider it my lucky day when that first, closest spot is wide open, calling out to me. But when this goal is front and center, it’s easier to cruise right on by and park further away. In fact, these days I look for the spot that’s the furthest away. (I mean, let’s be real, if it’s raining, your girl is still taking that first open spot. But if the skies are clear, you bet your bottom dollar I’m walking my happy ass from across the parking lot.)
Make things a little inconvenient.
If you’re anything like me, you’re one to narrow in on the easiest, most convenient and efficient way to do something. I mean, who wants to waste time or energy? When we lived in a 3rd story apartment, I would load up two weeks worth of grocery bags on my arm and make the trek up to the apartment once. I considered it a massive fail if I had to make the trip up and down the stairs more than once. But when you’re trying to hit that 10k a day goal, think of the different ways you could make things less convenient. Setting the table for dinner? Don’t grab all of the condiments out of the fridge at once; make individual trips. Bringing the laundry downstairs? Split the load in half and make the trip twice. You get the idea.
Drink more water.
This one might be a bit of a head scratcher. I know drinking more water is pretty much the answer and cure all for everything–but how can staying hydrated help you get more steps? Well, the act of drinking water alone won’t help you there. But one fancy smancy side effect of drinking all the agua is…well, you pee. A lot. A lot a lot. Sitting at a desk all day, getting sucked into your work, it’s easy to accidentally sit for hours on end without ever moving. But if you’re knocking back that good old H20, your bladder won’t let you be lazy. Nature will call, and it’s one pesky little biatch. Hopefully, if you’re lucky, the restroom isn’t uber conveniently located either. But we can only hope.
Start & end the day with a quick walk.
I love a good walk. In fact, taking a walk is one of my favorite things to do–especially if it’s partnered with catching up with a friend. I work from home. You might, too, or you might not. It doesn’t really matter. Try starting and ending your day with a quick walk. I have a dog so that’s not terribly hard to do. We rigged up a dog run in the backyard when we moved and gave up our fenced in yard life, but I try to skip using that at least twice a day and instead opt for taking the dog for a walk around th block. 20 minutes at the start and end of your day can really make a big difference. It also does wonders for your mental health. Moving your body, getting fresh air and soaking in some vitamin D is a sacred cocktail, I tell ya.
While none of these tricks will have you hitting your 10K goal on their own, they do definitely add up, making it easier for you to succeed each day!
Up for the challenge? Let me know below in the comments or connect via Instagram! Let’s root each other on! I was originally going to try and do this for one month–but honestly, it’s just an overall lifestyle change I’d like to make in general. I worried if I set the goal for just a month, the next I’d go back to my lazy ways feeling successful and satisfied; and honestly, that doesn’t do any real good. So, let’s do this, shall we?
by Joey | Apr 7, 2020 | Real Life
I was digging through an old wallet the other day (an original HOBO wallet, I feel like I should tell you only because it’s probably the only somewhat fashionable thing I’ve ever owned) and I found an old business card. It was from my Bliss days, and the title under my name made me laugh. CEO + all the words. Myra and I thought that was clever. I was all the words. She was all the numbers. And together we just made sense.
I held the card in my hands for a moment, flipping it over and back again trying to remember who I was back then. I could conjure up the memory; Myra and I in a Zoom meeting all smiles and so full of hope. We were doing things. And things were happening. And we felt positively electric.
THAT FEELING IS INTOXICATING, IF I’M HONEST. THAT FEELING OF DOING. OF TRYING. OF BEING IN MOTION.
I am the biggest cheerleader of the doing. Because, as I’ve said probably too many times at this point, the doing feels better than the wishing. And even despite that, I spent a lot of 2019 not doing. I spent a lot of time so deep in a hole of depression last year that there were days I honestly couldn’t recognize myself. And I don’t say that for dramatic effect. I sincerely had moments where I had actual trouble identifying anything about my existence that felt familiar. It was alarming, and I drowned in shame most of the year. The more depressed I felt, the more shame I experienced. Rinse & repeat.
I knew doing would make me feel better. I love the feeling of productivity. I love a challenge, learning new things. But I couldn’t. I just…couldn’t. In a fit of frustration, I’d plan out a wonderfully productive tomorrow before I’d climb into bed. Then I’d wake up and discover that just getting out of bed was enough.
I don’t share this for pity or sympathy. I share it because it’s real. And it can happen to anyone. I’m the girl that’s usually so full of smiles and joy that the most frequent label to describe me growing up was annoying. But you’re not new here. Life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, and sometimes we just can’t.
IF ALL YOU CAN MUSTER RIGHT NOW IS SURVIVING THE DAYS, CHEERS TO YOU.
I’ve binged an entire series. I’ve left laundry in the dryer for days and days. I’ve left a majority of the cooking to my mom (one perk to our current living situation). The side of my brain that wants to do is still awake. It still nudges me throughout the day, whispering you know you could… And it’s not wrong, I could. But right now, I just choose not to. My heart and head are not in the right space.
If I try hard enough, I can bring myself right back to that moment with the business cards. My little office in our Charlotte apartment was so full of daylight and everything about it was bright and cheery. I can remember what it felt like to be on the brink of something huge. To recognize that I was standing at the start of something wonderful and so full of unknown.
Here’s the deal. We’ll all get back there, friends. Back to a place where everything feels electric, bright and cheery. And it’s okay if that’s not how you feel right now. Don’t make things worse by shaming yourself for not feeling any certain way.
There is no guidebook for how to thrive in the midst of a freaking global pandemic. Actually, as I say that I can almost guarantee some overpaid influencer has published that content. And on their behalf, I’m sorry. 2019 was a very normal year in the grand scheme of things. Jobs were lost and found. Moves were made. We were not left destitute and, you know, there wasn’t a virus spreading like wildfire. And I spent 97% of the year barely functioning.
However you’re feeling right now? You’re not wrong. Whatever you’re doing right now? As long as you’re not causing yourself or others great harm, it’s not wrong. You do not need to write the next great novel. You don’t need to learn a new skill. It’s okay to just be, to just survive. It’s okay to watch the news and feel scared. It’s okay to miss your people, and it’s okay to feel great disappointment in all the things undone.
We were so close to starting the next chapter our lives before all hell broke loose. I feel that disappointment, friends. And that’s okay.
We’ll make it through this, okay? And if you’re feeling just so dang lonely right now, well, know I’m here. I make one heck of a Zoom party buddy. And these days, despite it all, I have found my smiles again. And I’m happy to pass them around like warm baked cookies.
Ooh. Cookies.
Until next time, friends. Stay strong.
