by Joey | Jul 11, 2018 | Advice
Your chest feels tight. You can’t remember the last time you took a full, deep breath. Your mind is racing in overdrive. You can’t find reprieve. Is this you? Girl, same. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. In fact, I used to get to that place just about once a day until I started to intentionally pay attention to my stress. And once I did, I found a few stress management tactics that have actually made a difference. Want to find out how to relieve stress? I gotchu covered. Let’s do this.
Stress management: Things I actually do
When it comes to stress management, it seems there is no shortage of opinions. And I know, I know, I’m adding my voice to the mix. But if you’ve hung around here long enough–you know my 2017 was literally one giant stress fest. So you can trust me. I’ve done my research. I’ve tried what feels like everything. And I’ve finally landed on a few solid methods that have actually made an improvement on my overall stress level.
Get moving.
What started as a stress reduction tactic turned into a stress management habit. I started running back in 2014 as a challenge. I just wanted to see if I could do it. Well, I found out I could and I quickly became obsessed. I felt better than I ever had. But then we moved to Charlotte, I took a busy out-of-the-house job, and I upped my side hustle. Running went out the window.
So when the tight chest because an everyday occurrence last summer, I picked up running again, but I kept injuring my foot. That’s when I started yoga. I’d go whenever I was feeling particularly stressed. But like with the running, I got borderline obsessed. Not just with the activity itself, but with how I felt.
I am not so great at the whole breathing thing (more to come on that in a later section). So combining the forced, controlled breathing with the pinky planky music, the dark room, and the wringing out movements was like a stress-reduction cocktail blended to perfection for me.
You don’t have to go for a run or do yoga. That’s just what I can recommend. The point here is to just get your body moving. Go for a walk. Take up fencing. It doesn’t really matter what you do, just move. Heck, you can even take a page out of Christina & Meredith’s book and dance it out!
Talk it out.
Maybe with a friend, maybe with a therapist, it just sort of depends on what you need. I’ve done both. I’d highly recommend getting at least one really good friend who is always down for a good vent sesh.
My bestie and I do this thing where we just say “can I freak out on you for a minute?” and then we word vomit all over the other. The good thing is, we’ve been friends for such a long time that often we’re able to offer the other some sound advice. But advice is not the point here. Talking it out is.
Sometimes just voicing things, releasing the thoughts out into the space around you gives you a sense of peace and clarity. But if that doesn’t work…
Journal it out.
Yup, you knew I was going to recommend this. I swear some of you picture me as this geeky girl with a notebook always stuck under her arm. And truth is, that wouldn’t be all that wrong. Yes, I believe in the power of journaling. Really journaling.
In fact, I’d been carrying around residual stress from some negative emotions I had surrounding something that happened ages ago. I’d talked it to death, both with my trusted circle and my therapist. But it still hung around. So, I did what I do best. I grabbed my journal and put pen to paper, purging every thought, emotion, and idea that came to the surface.
Journaling is where I do my best stress management work if I’m honest. It’s where I feel the safest and where I can be the most authentic. That may not be the case for you–but it might be worth giving a try.
Diffuse essential oils.
I didn’t believe in the hokey pokey magic of essential oils for a long time. In fact, I just kind of rolled my eyes and checked out anytime someone talked about them. But then my husband left for a 4 day solo hiking trip in the middle of a hurricane. You can bet I was employing every anxiety and stress relieving trick under the sun that weekend. (I’m happy to report he returned in one piece, and I survived the weekend–but I swear the oils were a big part of that.)
I’ve never tried any of the good stuff. But I bought a relax blend from Target that weekend, and now it’s what I use to calm myself before sleep every night. I’ll be sure to get an oil expert in here to share some actual insights into why and how they work. Hold please.
Remain present.
I’m a creative. I literally story tell for a living. And sometimes that little talent gets a little unruly and partners up with my stress to spin fantastic, doom-based stories that get my heart rate going. I noticed when I started to intentionally pay attention to my stress that a lot of it was…uhm…how do I say this? Not really existent? Basically, I’d stress myself out over things that hadn’t happened yet. I’d get myself worked up over all the what-ifs that come with any given situation. And y’all, it was getting really exhausting.
I don’t remember exactly where I first heard this little piece of advice. Truth is, I’ve probably been hearing it for years. But something clicked recently, and I started to listen. Staying present has literally been the game-changer for my stress level. Whenever I start to feel myself getting to that future based panicky place, I kindly remind myself to check into the moment.
- Am I okay right now?
- Am I currently, in this exact moment, facing any issues?
- Do I have everything I need?
- Is everyone I care about safe?
You catch my drift. It’s supremely easy for us to live in this future place. Future Joey is apparently STRESSED AF. But present Joey is doing alright. We’ve all heard the saying “we’ll worry when there’s something to worry about.” I just started putting that into practice. And like I said. GAME. CHANGER.
How to relieve stress: Things I’m working on 😉
- Avoiding Caffeine. (What? I know, blasphemy!)
- Eating well-balanced meals
- Meditating
- Practice controlled breathing
These things aren’t habits yet, but I’ve been working on them over time. For that reason, I can’t really vouch for their effectiveness. I’ll be honest, I don’t see a huge impact on my stress from my caffeine intake. I usually only have one cup (maaaaayyyyybe two) a day. But the habits I have developed have my stress management in such a good place I don’t feel the need to nix the caffeine. The rest? Well, I can say they all make me feel good in the moment. But I can say what their long-term effects really are because well, I haven’t experienced them yet. How’s that for journalistic integrity. (I joke, I’m definitely not a journalist.)
Okay, there you have it. My stress management routine. I am by no means a medical professional (though I did just recently undergo my formal life coach training: woop woop!), but these methods have really worked for me.
Tell me, what are some of the ways you manage your stress?
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by Joey | Jul 10, 2018 | Advice
Are you happy with your life? You know, like really happy. Think back to when you were a kid before life weathered you and you became jaded. What did the life you wanted look like? I’m here to kind of shatter your world a little bit. Guess what? You create your life by the stories you tell yourself and the actions you take. So, if you’re not happy, you can change your life by changing your story.
You might be thinking I’m crazy and talking woo-woo, but I’m actually not. This is honestly a very simple and basic phenomenon. And I’m going to share a real-life example with you.
How many of you have been following this blog since the beginning? We’re talking like, 2010/2011. I was Joey back then, but I was most certainly not this girl. That Joey believed her creative writing degree was useless. She believed only other people got to have the kind of life she wanted. And she created a very easy narrative for herself to live out. She liked nail polish, so she practiced obsessively, talked about it often, and shared way too many pictures of manicures on this blog. She also told herself she wasn’t smart enough to go after the kind of creative career she actually wanted, so she made herself believe she was the best damn nanny in the market.
Over time, she became known as the girl who knew all things nail polish, and she was the best damn nanny in the market. That Joey did things according to the story she told herself. And that story became her reality.
It’s easy to do that; to adopt a narrative that’s easier for you to believe. And those narratives are often born of limiting beliefs we use to define ourselves. Over the years, you collect little tokens of information about yourself; some of it will be true. Some of it won’t be. But all of it blends together to form your story. And that story, which is often based on mostly false information that other people have made you believe about yourself becomes your life.
A few days ago, someone who has been a long time follower of this blog texted me with a question. She’d started a company and was experiencing some trouble, so she came to me for some advice. I answered her question easily then returned to my work. A little while later, it hit me.
Huh, I thought. People used to come to me for advice on which nail polish to buy. Now they come to me for advice on how to run a business.
I changed my life by changing my story.
For those of you who may not know, I quit the last nanny job I’ll ever have back in 2016 to launch a company that used my talents and my degree. When I did that, it was a total leap of faith. I wasn’t 100% positive that I could do it. That I could make something from nothing; that I could change who I was just because I wanted to. Because the truth is, that change changed more than just my day job. Quitting my job was an out loud challenge of what I believed about myself. Instead of believing I couldn’t, I started telling myself maybe you can. Why not you?
This kind of life change is easy but complex. But I fully believe in you. You can change your life by changing your story. How? Okay, let’s do this.
Own your past narrative.
While a lot of our limiting beliefs come from stories we’ve collected from other people, some of them are due to our past behaviors. Own the parts that you’re responsible for, and own the fact that you let yourself believe the stories other people told you about yourself. In order to enter into a place of change and growth, you first have to come to peace with the past. Listen, we all have a limiting belief narrative. No one is exempt from this, not even the boldest, bravest person you know. So it’s imperative that you show yourself grace, patience and kindness as you start to tackle your old story. It’s okay. This old story doesn’t have to define the rest of your life.
Filter through that narrative.
Is it (still) true? Stories can change. What was once true may not be anymore, and that’s okay; that’s called growth and progression. I used to always have a phone glued to my ear. In fact, my parents actually bought me a portable phone with a plug-in headset for Christmas when I was in middle school because I was literally always on the phone. If you call me now, I probably won’t answer. I loathe the phone. There’s no real reason why that story changed, I just grew up and evolved. We’re not meant to always be the same people. Our interests change. We learn things. Our experiences shape us. But I think it’s incredibly hard to let go of the definitions those once-truths gave to our lives. Just because something was true in one season of your life doesn’t mean it has to come with you into the next season.
Filter through your old narrative. Keep the truths that still feel relevant to who you want to be. Ditch the rest.
Write a new story.
You are in control. You have the ultimate power to write your own story and to create your own life. You just have to narrow in on what that life looks like. What do you want? What are the new truths you want to use to define this next chapter of your life? Maybe you need to lean into those uncomfortable places. Those things that you want but scare you. I like to start this process by asking myself who would I be if failure weren’t part of the equation. What would I do if fear weren’t an issue? For me, this season of my life started with some important realizations.
- I am perfectly capable of doing the things that set my soul on fire.
- I had to fire that little voice in the back of my mind that tells me that only other people get to live this life. Sure, I still hear that voice, I’ve just taken away its power. It’s been working out okay. 🙃
- Failure is make-believe. It’s not real. Failure is only what you make of something. I’ve never failed. But I’ve figured out a whole bunch of ways that something doesn’t work.
So, are you with me? Are you ready to change your life? Okay, but first, you have to change your story. I have a FREE DOWNLOAD for you that’ll walk you through the process of changing your story with prompts and my favorite affirmations. Grab yours! 👇🏻
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by Joey | Jun 22, 2018 | In the kitchen
*This post contains affiliate links.
I’m pretty sure comfort food is my love language. Seriously, I love nothing more than a belly full of happiness, and today’s recipe delivers just that. I will say this, I am not usually a fan of leftovers. (I know, I know. Luckily, I’m married to a man who will eat all the leftovers all the time.) But I actually looked forward to eating this for days and days.
If you follow me on Instagram, you know I got the Joanna Gaines Magnolia Table cookbook for my birthday. Jonathan and I joked that I should start a new series on this blog. For those of you who don’t know, my given name is JoAnn. I mean, it could be like your modern day Julie & Julia. Except JoAnn and Joanna. Perfect, right? Jokes. I am by no means challenging myself to cook my way through a cookbook. Even though I do think that would be so much fun. I will, however, happily share what I make when I make it and what I thought. Deal? Okay, good.
I decided to start off with the chicken pot pie recipe. Some things to note:
- I halved the recipe and that’s what’s reflected here.
- Her recipe calls for fresh carrots and then a bag of frozen peas. I already had the bag of mixed veggies on hand because I thought I was going to be making one of my old stand by pot pie recipes when I went grocery shopping (that was before this cookbook came into my life).
- I didn’t use as much chicken broth as was indicated in the recipe (not even half). I eyeballed this, and that “measurement” is what is reflected below.
- I used the food processor and chopped up some of the batch chicken that I always have in the fridge. You can cut up a store-bought rotisserie chicken, cut up some chicken breasts, or simply buy pre-cooked, frozen cubed chicken.
WHAT YOU NEED:
- 1 8×8 or 9×3 glass dish, at least 3 inches deep.
- 2 tablespoons butter
- 1/4 small white onion finely chopped
- 1 bag frozen vegetable mix: corn, peas, carrots, green beans. I used the bird’s eye steam fresh mixed veggies.
- 2 tablespoons of all-purpose flour
- 3 cups of chicken broth
- 2 10.5 ounce cans of cream of chicken soup
- 2 cups of shredded or cut up chicken
- 1-2 tubes of refrigerated crescent rolls (depending on what size pan you use)
- Mashed potatoes
WHAT YOU DO:
The first thing I did was PREHEAT THE OVEN TO 375 and then I got some potatoes going. I cubed about 4 red potatoes and let those boil in a pot of water for a while. If you need a time, go for at least 20 minutes. I honestly just let them boil the whole time I was prepping the “pie.” That’s probably wrong, but it worked for me.
Once they were soft, I drained the water, added about 1/2 cup of milk and about 2 tablespoons of butter and mashed. I seasoned to taste with salt and pepper.
FOR THE PIE:
- Melt the butter over medium heat in a pot or dutch oven that’s large enough to eventually fit all of the ingredients.
- Add the chopped up onions and let those cook until translucent.
- Slowly whisk in the 2 tablespoons of flour
- Slowly whisk in the chicken broth, raise the heat to about medium/high and bring to a soft boil
- Add the cream of chicken soup and your cut up chicken
- Stir in your veggies. Let the mixture simmer for about 5 minutes. Season to taste with salt & pepper if necessary (I didn’t find it necessary.)
- Pour your “soup” into a dish that is at least 3 inches deep. I used an 8×8 pyrex, but I probably should have used a larger dish. I was a little worried about the filling boiling over in the oven. It didn’t though.
- Unroll your crescents and pinch together the perforations. If you’re also using a square dish, you’ll only need one tube. If you’re using a longer dish, you’ll need two. I literally laid the “sheet” of dough on top of the soup. I had to get a little creative and lay some “pieces” in various places. I would avoid this if you can because the dough didn’t actually cook all the way through wherever it overlapped, but it wasn’t a deal breaker.
- Serve over mashed potatoes and enjoy!
The verdict:
Okay, I didn’t actually have the highest hopes for this dish. I make two other versions of chicken pot pie that are just good enough. I make them often, but they’re not my favorite dishes. I just figured eh, chicken pot pie isn’t my jam. Those recipes are good and fairly simple and produce a hearty meal. Well, pot pie has been lying to me my entire life up until now.
This is honest to goodness 1) the easiest version of pot pie I’ve ever made and 2) by far the most delicious. Something about the combination of serving the soup-like filling over the hearty potatoes with the sweetness of the crescents on top is OH. MY. GOSH. so delicious.
I love how in general the cookbook focuses in on meals every person could make with (mostly) ingredients they’d already have on hand. I appreciate that she references things like canned crescents and canned cream of chicken soup. That might be something silly for me to appreciate, but other cookbooks make me feel like a crappy person because I have to take “shortcuts” in the kitchen. I like to cook, but I don’t like to slave my life away in the kitchen.
This meal has most definitely landed itself on my master list. I’ll be out of town this coming week, so I’m definitely planning to make this on Sunday so the husband has something of substance to eat on for the few days I’m gone. (To be fair, he is perfectly capable of fending for himself–It just brings me joy to take care of him. So there’s that.)
Happy Friday, friends! Let me know if you end up making this and what you think!
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by Joey | Jun 21, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur, How I Work Series
My name is Lauren Wallace and I am the owner of Lauren Ash Photography in Charlotte, NC. For as long as I can remember I have loved photography. My senior year of High School, I took some of my friends’ senior pictures and decided that I should try making a business out of this hobby of mine. I knew from day one that building my own business from the ground up wasn’t going to be easy, but I was in it for the long haul! The photography industry is definitely over saturated but I think that with the right mindset and drive you can accomplish anything in life, no matter the competition.
HOW I WORK
I am a mama of two, so my routine varies from day to day, But, every day I always make sure to check my emails, engage via social media and look for potential clients. I have a desk in our office/play room and that is where I work. Or honestly, a lot of the time it is from my iphone that goes any and everywhere with me. When I have photoshoots, I have a backpack with my camera, extra lense, props, and business cards ready to go so I don’t have to worry where everything is! I typically do outdoor photoshoots that vary from family, cake smash, birthday parties, engagement photos, maternity, etc. I also do newborn photos, and those usually take place indoors at the client’s home or hospital if they are doing a Fresh 48 session.
I stay organized by my calendar in my phone. Whenever I book a session, I make sure to add it in my calendar so I get a reminder the day before! I have an ongoing to-do list that is on my desk so I can keep track of anything like that. I created and manage my website and social media accounts so I also make sure I keep them up to date with my most recent photoshoots as well as any specials I am running at the time.
I think that photography is such a beautiful thing. They are images captured at any given time in your life that you are able to cherish for the rest of your life. For me personally, whenever I look at old pictures, it brings me back to that time in my life as well as all the emotions and memories that come from the pictures! I love being able to be apart of creating those lifetime memories for people and their families.
LIFE BALANCE
Honestly, I feel like I am constantly working here or there so it’s not ‘set hours’. If I have work I need to do on my website, I typically save that for after the kiddos are down for the night so I can really focus. I relax by doing yoga. I am blessed to have it at our clubhouse and that is a set event in my schedule every week. I also really enjoy listening to podcasts; my favorite right now is Yoga Girl! She is so inspiring and relatable and every time I listen to her it is relevant to what is going on in my life. I also really enjoy cooking and fun fact…I was a chef in a restaurant before I had kids, and now I am still one just for a smaller clientele. 🙂 I usually meal prep every Sunday to help save time during the week! My favorite show to watch right now is ‘Billions’; that’s currently the show my husband and I are obsessed with.
Thanks for hanging out with us for the day, Lauren! Everyone, be sure to go show her some love on Facebook and Instagram, and keep her in mind for any of your future photography needs!
by Joey | Jun 19, 2018 | Devotional Series
I spent some time at the end of last week going through my journal. I do this sometimes when I need to be reminded of the other seasons in my life, good and bad, to reconfirm the one belief I hold firm always: everything is temporary. Good or bad, the only constant is change. And when you’re in the midst of a storm, that belief is astoundingly comforting. And when you’re in a season of blessings, it’s a good reminder to savor it. To live in the moment.
While flipping through the pages, though, I found something I wasn’t looking for. Noticing it on one page, I flipped to the next, hoping I was wrong. Flip. Flip. Flip. Damnit.
Page after page, I found myself literally begging God for things. Desperate for him to hear my cries. If you just do this, I… promises being made left and right. At first my heart sank, remembering those moments so clearly, experiencing that pain all over again. But then, I flipped the page only to find that God delivered. He answered my prayers often and with urgency. And yet, instead of seeing an ounce of gratitude on the page, all I found was more begging.
The blessing kept getting completely overlooked. I’m not even sure I was internally checking off any boxes, tick–okay–handled, thanks— before moving on to the next dumpster fire I was begging for Him to put out. I literally couldn’t see the blessings, the answers, and they were right in front of my face.
One answer after another left completely unnoticed. Un. Grate. Ful. Looking at those pages now makes my stomach turn. But just as I was hoping, they’ve helped me in this current season of my life. Those pages helped me find understanding as I tried to make sense of what I’ll from-here-on-out be referring to as The Great Breakdown of 2017. They serve as an important, albeit painful, lesson in what went wrong.
Lead with an ungrateful heart, and God will stop you dead in your tracks.
Disaster after disaster, desperation kept piling up, and after a while, I suffocated. Once again, I begged and He delivered. Because He is a good and gracious Father. And like any parent, no matter how many times his kid screws up, gets it wrong, misses the point, he reaches out his hand and rescues, certain that in time they’ll learn.
The truth is, God only wants what’s best for us. But He will allow us to make mistakes. He will walk with us even when we’ve turned onto the wrong path and deliver when we ask for favors along the way. But that path, wrong or not, is on purpose. It is meant to teach you something. I took God’s blessings along the way as signs I was making the right choices. And at that moment, in that season, that was the truth. Because that path was an important part of the greater purpose.
Without all of those pages filled with desperate pleas and proof of answers upon answers, I can’t be certain I would have learned this lesson. The Bible teaches us how to properly ask God for things. And you know what it says? Present your requests to God with thanksgiving. ::insert facepalm emoji:: The truth is, God can and will still deliver if we ask without a heart full of gratitude (I’m walking proof of that), but those blessings won’t last.
